IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
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In many parts of the world, there are a
rise
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rising
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 number of
people
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 that suffer from poor
health
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 condition due to excess amount of unhealthy
food
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 they consumed like fast
food
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, the governments need to impose
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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much strict rules related to
taxation
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the taxation
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 of
this
Linking Words
 particular
food
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. I
totaly
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totally
 agree that to prevent
higher
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a higher
the higher
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 number of
people
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 that
negatively
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are negatively
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 impacted by
low level
Add a hyphen
low-level
show examples
foods
Use synonyms
, they need to be reminded that there
are
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is
show examples
 much higher
cost
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costs
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 to get
this
Linking Words
 kind of
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foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one easiest way to stop
people
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 from getting more unhealthy
food
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 is by increase the price of the
food
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. The reason
behind
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apply
show examples
fast
food
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 is so popular is because
this
Linking Words
food
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 is affordable compared to other kinds of
food
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, make it more expensive by increase the base tax will
automaticaly
Correct your spelling
automatically
 deter its popularity since
people
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 now have more variety of
food
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 in the price range. Another point is that, by increasing the price, in the long run, it will beneficial for the national budget due to the fact that, healthier community obviously reduce the cost of
health
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 care
of
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in
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 a country. A successful country usually
have
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has
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 a policy that they will cover the cost of their
citizen
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city
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 in terms of
health
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 problem. If
governments
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aregovernments
weregovernments
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 able to encourage their population to eat healthy
food
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, it will cut down
Use synonyms
health
Change preposition
on health
show examples
 issues related to unhealthy
food
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 namely obesity and heart disease.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a big sum of money can be saved in the end
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 the
health
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 case
lower
Add a missing verb
is lower
show examples
. In conclusion, to stop
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 having a bad effect of low minerals
foods
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, authorities can impose a surge of the tax.
This
Linking Words
 policy not only effectively reduce the
consumtion
Correct your spelling
consumption
 rate of the
foods
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 in the long term it could resulting positive effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 one's country financial.
Submitted by muhamad.herwindo on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
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