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Band 4.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
In many parts of the world, there are a
rise
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rising
show examples
 number of
people
 that suffer from poor
health
 condition due to excess amount of unhealthy
food
 they consumed like fast
food
.
Thus
, the governments need to impose
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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much strict rules related to
taxation
Correct article usage
the taxation
show examples
 of
this
 particular
food
. I
totaly
Correct your spelling
totally
 agree that to prevent
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
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 number of
people
 that
negatively
Add a missing verb
are negatively
show examples
 impacted by
low level
Add a hyphen
low-level
show examples
foods
, they need to be reminded that there
are
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is
show examples
 much higher
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 to get
this
 kind of
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
.
Firstly
, one easiest way to stop
people
 from getting more unhealthy
food
 is by increase the price of the
food
. The reason
behind
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fast
food
 is so popular is because
this
food
 is affordable compared to other kinds of
food
.
Thus
, make it more expensive by increase the base tax will
automaticaly
Correct your spelling
automatically
 deter its popularity since
people
 now have more variety of
food
 in the price range. Another point is that, by increasing the price, in the long run, it will beneficial for the national budget due to the fact that, healthier community obviously reduce the cost of
health
 care
of
Change preposition
in
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 a country. A successful country usually
have
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has
show examples
 a policy that they will cover the cost of their
citizen
Replace the word
city
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 in terms of
health
 problem. If
governments
Add a verb
aregovernments
weregovernments
show examples
 able to encourage their population to eat healthy
food
, it will cut down
health
Change preposition
on health
show examples
 issues related to unhealthy
food
 namely obesity and heart disease.
Therefore
, a big sum of money can be saved in the end
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 the
health
 case
lower
Add a missing verb
is lower
show examples
. In conclusion, to stop
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 having a bad effect of low minerals
foods
, authorities can impose a surge of the tax.
This
 policy not only effectively reduce the
consumtion
Correct your spelling
consumption
 rate of the
foods
, but
also
 in the long term it could resulting positive effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 one's country financial.
Submitted by muhamad.herwindo on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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