IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays people are trying to have a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems could this create? How can people overcome them? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your personal knowledge or experience.

#people #career #life #time #create
It is commonly believed that satisfaction plays an important role in
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each person’s life and no one can deny it.
However
, in recent years we have witnessed that people have strived to achieve success and happiness in both professional and personal lives simultaneously, and
this
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to certain problems. In
this
 essay, some of the contributing factors are going to be highlighted and possible solutions
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be addressed
accordingly
. First of all, one of the
rout
Correct your spelling
root
show examples
 reasons which may cause failure in attaining the mentioned goals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is time restriction.
That is
 to say, if anyone wants to have a happy family life, and
also
 be successful in his occupation sufficiently, he may lack enough time.
For instance
, during a milestone
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my life, I used to work for about eleven hours a day, and my wife was dissatisfied with the situation. In order to tackle
this
 problem, it might be a good idea to have a more efficient schedule and
following
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
 it. By doing
this
, the responsibilities would be established
as well as
 expected.
In addition
, another cause which may give
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rise to
not
Add an article
the not
show examples
coincident
Replace the word
coincidentally
show examples
 happening of the referred objectives could be the necessity of being up to the minute continuously.
In other words
, not only must each person accomplish his routine job duties, but
also
 should always develop professionally. To illustrate more, when an engineer is asked to learn the latest methodologies consistently,
this
 might create some additional
stresses
Fix the agreement mistake
stress
show examples
 on his mental health. So as a solution, the recruiters can consider certain useful classes by which the jobholders be able to improve their abilities
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
.
This
 will lead to less discomfort for the retainers and they will feel more assured. To recap, by considering the aforementioned reasons, it is apparent that,
although
 problems like
this
 exist, by taking a few steps yet practical ones, we can minimize the emerging
such
 troubles.
Submitted by majidghomian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Balancing
  • Burnout
  • Juggling responsibilities
  • Neglecting
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Dissatisfaction
  • Setting realistic goals
  • Priorities
  • Fulfillment
  • Effective time management
  • Allocation
  • Reducing stress
  • Seeking support
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Balanced life
What to do next:
Look at other essays: