Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion.
In
this
ambitious world, money is trending. Indeed, more and more communities are evaluated based on their property. Some others believe that working hard will eventually make them successful Linking Words
while
others , Linking Words
on the contrary
, believe that it is all about being wealthy and having good looks. Linking Words
While
both views are logical, Linking Words
this
author argues that determination is the key to being more powerful. In Linking Words
this
essay, the author will research both perspectives by giving clear examples.
Alternatively, external beauty and wealth have received more attention in Linking Words
this
digital day. Linking Words
While
a large number of families all over the world need to have manual work to do, some young people who have a good-looking appearance use Linking Words
this
to have a high salary and seem to be more easily Linking Words
such
as jobs in fashion or model. Linking Words
Additionally
, wealthy people think that having the amount of money is being successful and well-known. In a similar case, it is easy to see a lot of rich communities show up their property and call it prosperous.
From another viewpoint, working hard with a portion of ambition will eventually be the reason for reaching your goals. But Linking Words
this
needs an area of patience. Linking Words
For instance
, students have to work hard and dedicate a lot to universities before graduating and are willing to start working. There are those who work hard to reach their goals rather than give up. Linking Words
Moreover
, we often listen to successful businessman talk about how they started a career they didn't admire but ended up becoming rich and associate Linking Words
this
with their dedication and a lot of determination until the end when they achieve their passion.
Linking Words
To sum up
, there is nothing that can replace your determination and backbreaking effort, Linking Words
that is
the only way to make you successful, even fortune or aspect.Linking Words
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task achievement
While your essay tackles the given prompt and presents a clear stance, incorporating a broader range of specific examples to support your points could strengthen your argument. Consider drawing from diverse fields or personal anecdotes to elucidate your views.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion but could benefit from more varied sentence structures and smoother transitions between ideas. Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can enhance the flow of your essay, making your arguments more persuasive and engaging.
task achievement
To improve on task achievement, ensure your ideas are not only relevant but are explored in depth. While you’ve presented examples, further elaboration on how these examples specifically support your thesis could enrich your argument. This makes your position more compelling and your rationale clearer to the reader.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?