IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Should governments make decisions about people’s lifestyle, or should people make their own decisions?

It is often argued whether the governments should play a role in making
decisions
Use synonyms
 regarding individuals’
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 or the choices are up to
people
Use synonyms
. On one hand, it is compulsory for governments to step in, in order to prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from performing dangerous actions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be responsible to make
decisions
Use synonyms
 that are beneficial for them.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the governments are fully accountable to protect the welfare of citizens.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they should intervene and restrict certain harmful practices
such
Linking Words
 as smoking, alcohol consumption, and dangerous sports.
For example
Linking Words
, an age limit on drinking and purchasing cigarettes should be imposed to deter teenagers’ accessibility. By doing so,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of the addiction
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 nicotine and alcohol at
early
Add an article
an early
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 age can be prevented.
Moreover
Linking Words
, proper laws and regulations are mandatory to maintain peace in the country. If
people
Use synonyms
 were given the liberty to do whatever they desire, the country will soon face doom.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 who fancy guns have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
permission
keep
Fix the infinitive
to keep
show examples
 them, there will be a high rate of crimes in that country.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is crucial for the nation to constrain the activities individuals can do.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 deserve to live the lives they desire because it belongs to them. They should be granted to do the acts they adore to acquire happiness. To illustrate, they shouldn’t
be refrained
Change to the active voice
refrain
have refrained
show examples
 from car racing or sky diving just because the government assumes that they are unsafe.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, individuals must be thoughtful and make considerate
decisions
Use synonyms
 for themselves and the community. To conclude, the authorities should be in charge to ensure that the citizens’ lifestyles do not impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society’s.
The society
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
 should
also
Linking Words
 be mindful
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their life choices and make respectable
decisions
Use synonyms
. If both are in balance, peace and
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
show examples
 of a nation is inevitable.

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