IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Should governments make decisions about people’s lifestyle, or should people make their own decisions?

#governments #decisions #people’s #lifestyle #people
It is often argued whether the governments should play a role in making
decisions
 regarding individuals’
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 or the choices are up to
people
. On one hand, it is compulsory for governments to step in, in order to prevent
people
 from performing dangerous actions.
On the other hand
,
people
 should
also
 be responsible to make
decisions
 that are beneficial for them.
To begin
 with, the governments are fully accountable to protect the welfare of citizens.
Therefore
, they should intervene and restrict certain harmful practices
such
 as smoking, alcohol consumption, and dangerous sports.
For example
, an age limit on drinking and purchasing cigarettes should be imposed to deter teenagers’ accessibility. By doing so,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of the addiction
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 nicotine and alcohol at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age can be prevented.
Moreover
, proper laws and regulations are mandatory to maintain peace in the country. If
people
 were given the liberty to do whatever they desire, the country will soon face doom.
For instance
, if
people
 who fancy guns have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
permission
keep
Fix the infinitive
to keep
show examples
 them, there will be a high rate of crimes in that country.
Thus
, it is crucial for the nation to constrain the activities individuals can do.
On the contrary
,
people
 deserve to live the lives they desire because it belongs to them. They should be granted to do the acts they adore to acquire happiness. To illustrate, they shouldn’t
be refrained
Change to the active voice
refrain
have refrained
show examples
 from car racing or sky diving just because the government assumes that they are unsafe.
Nevertheless
, individuals must be thoughtful and make considerate
decisions
 for themselves and the community. To conclude, the authorities should be in charge to ensure that the citizens’ lifestyles do not impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society’s.
The society
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
 should
also
 be mindful
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their life choices and make respectable
decisions
. If both are in balance, peace and
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
show examples
 of a nation is inevitable.
Submitted by chitsundi on

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