IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families?

#people #countries #time #families #happen #effects
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Most individuals today live far from their families for many reasons, which affects their loved ones and themselves as well.
This
 essay will discuss the causes and effects of
this
 adjustment.
To begin
 with, establishing a better career is one of the main reasons, which makes students reside far from their
home
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homes
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. Many students, in lack
of
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apply
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better education prospects in their local area, move to
cities
 for higher education.
In addition
, many poor workers work in megacities far from their villages, to earn a better livelihood.
For example
, in India, thousands of villagers work in metro
cities
.
However
, some individuals
also
 choose to leave their
house
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houses
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 to pursue their dreams.
Thus
, better jobs and educational prospects are some of the possible causes of residing alone.
This
 modern adjustment affects families and migrates in many ways.
Firstly
, parents who send their children off to other countries or
cities
, always feel anxious about their well-being and miss them immensely during festivals.
Likewise
, teenagers who study abroad or in other
cities
 face many challenges
along with
 feeling homesick. It means
,
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 they have to manage everything on their own which makes it hard to concentrate on their studies. Meanwhile, some teenagers fall into bad companies and commit crimes, which may demolish their careers.
Secondly
, most migrant workers spend most of their life working away from their families leaving their wives and children alone depriving them of the love they long for. Many times,
this
 results in conflicts and spouse splitting.
For example
, in Indian villages, it is a common practice to leave family behind for months to seek work in
cities
.
To conclude
, better jobs, education, and better livelihood encourage people to live away from their homes and
this
 has considerable consequences on their lives.
Submitted by Oliver on

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task response
The essay provides a good structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. The supporting points demonstrate relevance to the topic, but some ideas could be further developed to provide more comprehensive analysis.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but it would benefit from more cohesive linkages between ideas and better use of transitions to improve the flow of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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