IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports even though others claim they should have the freedom to choose a sport of their liking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #sport
A group of masses reckon that the government should implement an embargo on life-threatening
sports
. Whereas, others hold a viewpoint that individuals have the liberty to opt for
sports
 of their interest. Personally, I am highly inclined towards the latter view due to certain reasons with a couple of reservations which will be explicated in
this
 essay. The
first
 and foremost reason for the supporting latter view is that it is the fundamental right of individuals to participate in the games of their own interest. In
this
 contemporary era, these adventurous
sports
 are the sole mode of acknowledging one’s stamina and strength which even sometimes a person is not acquainted with.
For instance
, Anita Kundu is one of the eminent mountaineers of India, who climbed Mount Everest thrice and opted for mountain climbing as a profession after a trial as a leisure activity.
Thus
, exposure to adventurous games assists a player to recognize his capability. Moving
further
, most of the youngsters suffering from anxiety disorders and undue stress so, they opt for these
sports
 as a stress buster. Ergo, people prefer these due to their adventurous nature and want to experiment with their physical as well as psychological limits.
On the contrary
, there are games
such
 as bullfighting, solo free diving and to mention a few which put one’s life in jeopardy as till now no safety gear is formed for these. To illustrate, according to a survey done by Mr Thomas a renowned reporter revealed that approximate 30 causalities have been reported in bullfight competitions
this
 year.
Hence
,
sports
 assist in relieving stress. In compendium, I reiterate that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 certain
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 proved to be advantageous for the people unless they are played with a couple of rules and regulations.
Submitted by sangeeta252618 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: