IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
It is often argued that the
health
 standards of the future will be low when compared to the present
generation
. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that the
people
 in future will have a
lot
 of problems when compared to us, but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
also
 believe that there will be a
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
show examples
 advancements in medicines that can tackle those problems.
Firstly
, with the advancement in
technology
, we live in a global village as communication has brought all of us together. Because of
this
, the competition has
also
 been raised a
lot
. So,
people
 will now have to do a
lot
 to be in the job market.
However
,
this
 brings on high work pressure. To overcome
this
,
people
 might generally be more career-driven and to compensate,
health
 will be pushed on the backseat. Already, in the IT industry, almost 40% of the
people
 believe that because of project deadlines, they are unable to take time out for their daily exercises. Many
people
 believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
 will be more aware of their
health
 as compared to now. Despite
this
, I think that because of advancements in
technology
, the young
generation
 will be not willing to put on the hard work. The young
generation
 , seeing their parents working will become result-driven. So, because of
this
, as well as the advancement of
technology
, they will be even more dependent on
technology
. In conclusion, irrespective of the fact that
people
 will be more informed about their body, the work pressure and the advancement of
technology
 will damage the
health
 of the future
generation
.
Submitted by mulchand.sen16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: