IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
It is often argued that the
health
 standards of the
future
generation
 will be low when compared to the present
generation
. In my opinion, I completely agree that the
people
 in
future
 will have a lot of problems related to
health
 when compared to us.
Firstly
, with the advancement in
technology
, we live in a global village as communication has brought all of us together when compared with the previous
generation
. Because of
this
, the competition has
also
 been raised a lot in order to succeed. So, the general population will now have to do a lot of
work
 to be in the job market.
This
 brings on high
work
 pressure, as many more talented
people
 are there to replace you. To overcome
this
,
people
 might become more career-driven and to compensate for
this
,
health
 will be pushed on the backseat. Already, in the IT industry, almost 40% of the
people
 believe that because of project deadlines, they are unable to take time out for their daily exercises and family.
On the other hand
, it is believed that
people
 will be more aware of their
health
 in the
future
 as compared to now. Despite
this
, I think that because of advancements in
technology
, the young
generation
 will not be willing to put in the hard
work
 and time towards fitness. The young
generation
, seeing their parents working all the time, will become result-oriented. So, because of
this
, as well as the advancement in
technology
, they will be even more dependent on
technology
 to solve tasks and problems. In conclusion, irrespective of the fact that
people
 will be more informed about their body,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
work
 pressure and the advancement in
technology
 will damage the
health
 of the
future
generation
.
Submitted by mulchand.sen16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: