IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that zoos have no purpose in today’s world and should be closed. What problems do zoos bring? What are the alternatives to zoos if they are closed?

#people #zoos #purpose #today’s #world #alternatives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Everyone should have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to live in their natural habitat. So, many individuals think that having
zoos
Use synonyms
 is pointless and
zoos
Use synonyms
 should be closed.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is
worthwhle
Correct your spelling
worthwhile
worth while
 to discuss challenges with
zoos
Use synonyms
 and feasible alternatives to them. There are many issues associated with
zoos
Use synonyms
. The major problem is,
animals
Use synonyms
 do not have sufficient freedom.
Animals
Use synonyms
 are much happier when they live in their own habitats.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, When an animal is in a cage, they feel less comfortable and do not have enough room to move around.
Although
Linking Words
 some people argue that it is good for them as they are secured from predators, these
animals
Use synonyms
 have natural abilities to get protected themselves from other
animals
Use synonyms
. For
instace
Correct your spelling
instance
,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 there are many tigers in the wild, there is no reduction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
deer
Add an article
the deer
show examples
 population.
Therefore
Linking Words
, animal freedom is a major factor to be considered.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, maintaining a zoo comes at a very high cost.
As a result
Linking Words
, authorities spend millions of dollars annually to maintain these places. As
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of operating a zoo do not outweigh operational costs, it is a burden to the country’s economy. Since
zoos
Use synonyms
 have some sort of advantages
such
Linking Words
 as helping people to learn about animal’s
behavour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
, protecting endangered species, there should be some alternatives to them. A good case in point is having a
large
Change the adjective
largely
show examples
 conservative area so that
animals
Use synonyms
 have more than enough space to move freely. When different
animals
Use synonyms
 are in a large area, they will feel that they are in their original habitats, and
Linking Words
consequently
Add a comma
,consequently
show examples
 they will adapt to the new environment.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, when students want to learn about
animals
Use synonyms
, they can study through
documentries
Correct your spelling
documentaries
 and books made for
animals
Use synonyms
 as they have clearly analyzed animal’s behaviour. In conclusion, as modern-day
zoos
Use synonyms
 are fruitless and bringing many challenges, it is quite beneficial to shut their operation.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there should be useful alternatives to
zoos
Use synonyms
 to offset the negative effects of closing the existing ones.
Submitted by nilankagw on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ethical and animal welfare
  • artificial habitats
  • psychological distress
  • abnormal behaviors
  • conservation
  • inbreading
  • wildlife sanctuaries
  • rehabilitation centers
  • naturalistic habitats
  • virtual and augmented reality
  • ecotourism
  • wildlife documentaries
  • educational platforms
  • genetic pool
  • immersive experiences
  • conservation education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: