IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

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It is sometimes said that there is an excessive amount of harmful
information
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 on the
internet
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 and the only way to rid of it is for the authorities to make inappropriate content illegal. I do accept that
this
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 approach is effective,but I think that there might be a different way to solve
this
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 issue. Nowadays, we can see a tremendous amount of harmful
information
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 which contains violent scenes or promotes gambling. The governments have powerful tools to solve
this
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 issue. If they legislate in order to make
this
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 content illegal, it will eradicate a threat to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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internet
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 consumers. A similar legislation is used in several countries
according to
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 some social media platforms and and is effective there. Take China,
for example
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, where the population cannot use TikTok, which is one of the sources of harmful videos. If
people
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 break the law, they will be fined or will be taken to prison after repetitive offences.
However
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, I take the view that if the level of
people
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's awareness is increased, it can enable
to
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them to
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 succeed in addressing the problem.
This
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 is because nowadays
people
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 who live their lives in the fast line do not pay too much attention to what they consume and quite often cannot distinguish whether the flow of
information
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 they watch on the
internet
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 has a positive or negative influence on themselves or their nearest and dearest.
That is
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 why the local authorities might launch a programme to increase public awareness regarding harmful
information
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 in the virtual world.
For instance
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, they might start social advertisement, including a specific subject about
internet
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 content and its influence on societies.
As a result
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, it can draw
people
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's attention and decrease the consumption of violent or cruel
information
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 significantly. In conclusion,
although
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 I accept that the government should control what
information
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 is available online, I a convinced that increasing
people
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's awareness will
also
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 be an effective method to tackle the problem.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly articulate your position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
coherence
Some sentences can be rephrased for better clarity and flow, which will enhance the coherence of your arguments.
coherence
Be cautious of small grammatical errors, such as 'a different way to solve this issue' instead of 'the different way to solve this issue.'
content
You present a balanced view by considering both government action and public awareness strategies.
relevant example
Your examples, such as China's TikTok policies, demonstrate an understanding of real-world applications of censorship.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Censorship
  • Freedom of expression
  • Hate speech
  • Misinformation
  • Extremism
  • Regulations
  • Cyberbullying
  • Self-regulation
  • Transparency
  • Vulnerable groups
  • Algorithms
  • Digital culture
  • Personal freedoms
  • Illegal content
  • Internet safety
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