IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Traffic congestion and housing problems in larger cities could be solved by moving large industries and factories and their employees to the rural areas. What extent do you agree or disagree ?

There is no denying the fact that the presence of big
factories
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 and their workers is important.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that they should stay in the countryside or any area away from big
cities
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, especially the capital city, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that the availability of them has benefits for large
cities
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 and we have to keep them in them.
To begin
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 with, removing employees who work in big industries away from
cities
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 is unfair to them and will create many problems in many ways because they are a lot, so any changes in their lifestyle will have an impact on society.
In other words
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, they will have a low quality of life, and their safety will be in danger because of the lack of services in the rural area.
In addition
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, their presence has a good impact on the city’s economy. A lot of them spend their salaries on local people’s services and local activities, which will improve economic activities, especially since most of them earn a lot of money.
For example
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,
according to
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 statistics conducted in Riyadh city, factory workers and their families contribute to increasing the consumption rate, which leads to creating job opportunities. Another point to consider, putting them away will make the job harder, so that will decrease the number of people who want to work in
factories
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. The
factories
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 will be forced to increase
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 salaries, and they will put a large part of their budget into transportation, which leads to many issues,
such
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 as rising costs of many products, poor production, lack of
factories
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, and monopoly of large companies in industry. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that
factories
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 and their employees play a big role in society, so they should be in large
cities
Use synonyms

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly express your main argument in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'also', and 'finally' to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points better, they can be brief but impactful.
task achievement
You present a balanced view on the topic, showing understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion clearly restates your main opinion, which is important for coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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