IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work. Why do you think it is happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

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Many individuals go abroad and decide to stay there for many years or even in some cases permanently.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses the reasons why
this
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 is happening and suggests some solutions to the problems. People usually tend to look for better lifestyles and in many
countries
Use synonyms
, individuals suffer trying to feed their families with low incomes.
As a consequence
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, they tend to leave their
country
Use synonyms
 looking for better conditions of life and to succeed in their career.
For example
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,
multiples
Change the noun form
multiple
show examples
 individuals go every year to the USA to work and gain enough money to be able to care for their whole family. The second effect is security. Some
countries
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 do not have sufficient police officers to guarantee protection for the community and it increases the number of assaults and deaths.
However
Linking Words
, it is not easy to go legally to another
country
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 and it is even difficult to have your whole family with you abroad. There are some difficulties
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
conquer
Verb problem
obtaining
show examples
 the right visas for all relatives and because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, people cross the borders illegally in an act of panic.
As a result
Linking Words
, they do not have the same rights as a native citizen
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
and because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
faces
Correct subject-verb agreement
face
show examples
 some problems with documents, the healthcare system and when looking for a job.
For instance
Linking Words
, in many
countries
Use synonyms
, is necessary a document to enrol in a job vacancy. In conclusion, people are leaving their
country
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the everyday difficulties that they
lead
Verb problem
face
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as lack of opportunities, insecurity and poor
life’s
Change noun form
life
show examples
 conditions. Starting their lives in
countries
Use synonyms
 with better perspectives is a way of pursuing a great future for themselves and even for those relatives who have been left in their home
country
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
The introduction should clearly outline the reasons people leave their home country and specify whether the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages. Try to be explicit about your stance in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each body paragraph sticks to one main idea and fully develops it before moving on to the next point. This will help improve the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Add more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph links smoothly to the next, using transitional phrases and words. This will improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear understanding of the reasons why people move abroad, including looking for better lifestyles and increased security.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed, reaffirming the reasons for migration and the pursuit of a better future.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and illustrate the points made, although they could be more detailed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic migrant
  • Brain drain
  • Cultural assimilation
  • Remittances
  • Expatriate
  • Diaspora
  • Transnational
  • Host country
  • Country of origin
  • Push and pull factors
  • Standard of living
  • Political asylum
  • Cross-cultural
  • Migrant workforce
  • Integration policy
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