Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

These days,
children
spend most of their time on smartphones and other smart devices.
Due to
that, they have to suffer through mental, physical and emotional challenges at a very young age.
Hence
, to me,
this
is a negative development and
this
essay will provide reasons behind my view. To start with, there can be various reasons behind
children
actively using technology. After the covid, many schools have now shifted their lectures online and
due to
that many
children
were introduced to smartphones.
Furthermore
, many
children
prefer to play games online rather than physically playing in nature.
For example
,
due to
a lack of family time, many parents allow their
children
to play online games so they don't have to pay much attention to them and they can enjoy their leisure time.
Hence
, parents are equally responsible as they fail to control their
children
for
this
habit.
Due to
this
, many
children
face multiple health challenges at a young age.
Due to
a lack of physical activities and longer screen times, many young individuals experience obesity.
Also
, some of them suffer from eye diseases
due to
the emission of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
UV radiation.
For instance
, my brother suffered from mental trauma because he was addicted to violent games and he is still not able to recover. The youth is suffering and
hence
, I consider it as a huge negative development. In conclusion, I believe there are multiple reasons behind
children
using smartphones at a very early stage but the outcomes are more dangerous.
However
, there can be many solutions to solve
this
central problem. But for now,
this
is a huge negative development.
Submitted by tirththakkar23 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language use
Although your essay presents a clear position and relevant examples, try to introduce a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the complexity and fluency of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding on ideas with further explanation or additional examples, especially in the body paragraphs. This will strengthen your argument and help achieve a higher score for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, transitional phrases can be used more effectively to create smoother connections between sentences and ideas.
Structure
Your essay has a clear structure, with a pronounced introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is excellent for coherence and cohesion.
Examples
You effectively use examples to support your points, making your arguments more persuasive.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: