IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think it should not start until 7 years of age.

#people #education #children #years #age
The
education
 of
children
become
Add a missing verb
has become
show examples
 a highly debated topic worldwide in our century. It is always argued that classroom
education
 should start from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 certain
age
,
such
 as 7 or 6 in some countries, while others are ardent supporters of the idea that lessons should start earlier.
This
 essay agrees with the position that people could start their learning in
school
 earlier than
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 of 7. The idea that toddlers
are often start
Change the verb form
are often starting
show examples
 to learn
school
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 since kindergarten and the argument that several
children
 are not ready for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 earlier
age
 will be discussed in
this
 essay. On the one hand, it is clear that people might have more time to gain knowledge in the
school
 if they would start to visit it earlier. It is not
a news
Remove the article
news
a piece of news
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most part of kindergartens started to give information about math, languages to
children
,
therefore
 it means they are ready to start
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
show examples
 process in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
.
Consequently
, they will have more time to obtain information, except
this
, earlier
education
 will help them to increase their level of interaction in the society in the more fast way. The recent researches depicted that student who starts to visit
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
 in the
age
 of 5 have the higher results, during the examination.
On the other hand
, several
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of mankind
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 strongly convinced that
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
show examples
 system ought to start from the determined
age
 which was identified by the government officials.
Although
 kindergartens are trying to prepare their students
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
school
, some kids are not ready for the sophisticated
school
 schedule even
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
age
 of 7. Their parents are scared that earlier
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 in learning will lead to the unfortunate aftermath, just like depression or other mental issues.
For instance
, some
children
 could lose their childhood, and start to be closed for communication. To conclude, even though there are several troubles with the earlier
education
, it will be more beneficial to kids.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Social interactions
  • Formative years
  • Curiosity
  • Structured environments
  • Preschool activities
  • Unstructured play
  • Developmental pace
  • Emotional and social skills
  • Undue stress and pressure
  • Natural development
  • Informal learning methods
What to do next:
Look at other essays: