Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many
people
tend to accept that young
Change the determiner
that young person
those young people
people
supposed
to do some social services in their spare Add a missing verb
are supposed
times
. In my opinion, it is very important to take some responsibilities without any salary Fix the agreement mistake
time
Change preposition
at in
in
early Correct your spelling
an
ages
. While teenagers are learning to make volunteer Fix the agreement mistake
age
works
, the community
gain benefits at the same time.
It seems to me that some people
think teenagers must only study on
their exams. Change preposition
for
However
, If nobody force this young
Change the determiner
this young person
these young people
people
to take social responsibilies
on daily Correct your spelling
responsibilities
responsibility
Correct your spelling
lives
life
life's
lifes
, children get used to Correct your spelling
lives
be
selfish, anti-social and narrow-minded. In order to earn young Change the verb form
being
people
to the
society, everybody should give enough interest to them. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, my cousin, at sixteen, works
at the child care centre of our municipility
on weekends. Nobody Correct your spelling
municipality
do
Change the verb form
does
not
know Rewrite the sentence
apply
wheather
he Correct your spelling
whether
works
with his parents’ force or not, yet his personal skills are significantly changed. He get
more humble, generous and open-minded. Change the verb form
gets
In addition
, he is very glad to help people
who need support.
On the other hand
, young people
’s voluntary attampts
are crucial to the Correct your spelling
attempts
community
’s relations. I do not believe that only government’s
actions are enough Correct article usage
the government’s
to
the Change preposition
for
people
when they need support. The most important fact is also
good
relationship between society and other Add an article
a good
people
. This
is because,
helping other Remove the comma
apply
people
honestly is make them happy and decrease poverty. The word of rich has not materialist mean always. Rich people
are generous people
who share their wealth, ideas and suppors
. If explain needed with a simple example, the Correct your spelling
supports
support
most rich
Change the adjective
richest
community
in the world is in Africa indeed.
Taking everything into consideration, teenager’s community
works
which are with salary are affect
both them and Change the verb form
are affected
community
. While they gain some good skills, they embrace other Correct article usage
the community
people
at the same time.Submitted by basakdiclesahin on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite