IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that more young people hold the important positions in government, while others believe that the young people should not. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples.

#believe #people #positions #government
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It is easy to understand why most of the community wanted the involvement of millennials as part of officials councils.
However
, some may not agree with
this
 opinion considering some aspects that will be discussed in
this
 essay
To begin
 with, when solving modern days problems, young people are more likely to be creative. As our educational system has changed slightly these days, these millennials are using technologies more than ever.
For instance
, recent developments
such
 as artificial intelligence have surpassed the capability of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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 in managing and storing updated data and information which is essential for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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government purpose.
On the other hand
, there
is
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are
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 two main reasons why these early generations should not enter the parlement now.
Firstly
, since they have just graduated from the universities mean that they are still in the early step of their career path.
Consequently
, most of them are lacking in real-world experiences.
Secondly
, a recent study shows that most youngsters
are still need
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still need
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 to learn how to control their emotions. In order to work as
,
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apply
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council member
emotion
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emotions
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 need to be controlled to maintain good teamwork between each member.
Therefore
, it may be better for them to start with a smaller organisation early so that they can prove their leadership and problem-solving skills early. To conclude, while the
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
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 are full of bright ideas, they still need to learn more to develop their emotional level and gaining new experiences early. ,
Otherwise
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,Otherwise
show examples
 I think it is better for them to kick off their career as the intern in the council as long as they are being under supervision with the seniors.
Submitted by edobi on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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