IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many things used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines .do this bring more advantages or disadvantages ?

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Modernization plays a huge role in the development of advanced technology which helps human beings to fulfil their task in their respective field. It is believed that nowadays most of the work in the homes
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 done with modern machinery rather than the human beings themselves.
This
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 essay will discuss both the pros and consequences of the statement. First of all, the advantages of using
the
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modern machines in our daily
life's
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lives
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 make
the
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apply
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work easier and faster, less
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
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moreover
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 it makes our home clean and tidy.
For instance
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, a vacuum easily removes the dirt from the surface rather than the mobs
which
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apply
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used to scatter the dust particles all over the area. The most common equipment used in the household are the Grinders which
has
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have
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 almost completely taken over the mortar
and
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apply
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pistol grinders are
design
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designed
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 in
such
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 a way that they easily grind the food materials into minor and smooth particles,
however
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, it is the saying
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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old grandmother's that mortar and pistol used to enhance the flavour the dishes as compared to grinders.
Furthermore
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,
they
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there
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 are many other
apparatus
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apparatuses
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to
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apply
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most frequently used
are
Verb problem
such as
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 washing
machine
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machines
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,
oven
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ovens
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 and many more.
These all
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All
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 equipment
make
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makes
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 the work accurate, reliable and convenient, Mostly
to
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for
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the
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apply
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office goers,
bachelor's
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bachelor
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 and
the
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apply
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old age
peoples
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people
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 because they make themselves free from the mobility of the
labours
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labour
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, and heavy and light
works
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work
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 are done more easily.
On the other hand
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, the disadvantages of using advanced equipment are the required high cost for the installation of the system,
reduces
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reduced
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the
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apply
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employment of the
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
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,
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and reduces
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reduces
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reduced
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the
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apply
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creativity among the individuals.
In addition
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 to
this
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, they make humankind dependent on whenever appliances fail
Moreover
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, it
also
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 affects the health of the human being,
for example
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, India and Pakistan have more cases of obesity, hypertension and diabetes
due to
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 the less movement and the use of more appliances In conclusion, presently most humans use machinery even though it not only causes pollution but
also
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 utilises natural forces.
Finally
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, I conclude that every human being should minimise the use of technology.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents both advantages and disadvantages, but it could benefit from a clearer structure. Try using paragraphs more effectively, perhaps one for advantages and one for disadvantages, to improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammatical accuracy; there are several instances of awkward phrasing and misuse of terms (e.g., 'mobs' instead of 'mops', 'mortar and pistol' instead of 'mortar and pestle'). This can affect the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and provide a deeper exploration of your points to enhance the argument. For instance, explain how specific appliances impact daily life in more detail.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and sets the stage for a discussion of both sides, which is a strong start.
task achievement
You've mentioned relevant examples of appliances that many can relate to, which helps ground your argument in reality.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • domestic help
  • smart home technologies
  • energy-efficient
  • resource depletion
  • over-dependence
  • external services
  • maintenance
  • replacements
  • leisure activities
  • tedious tasks
What to do next:
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