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Band 5.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kine of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this opinion.

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In certain countries, excessive fast
food
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 consumption has affected the lives of many
people
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 as it is the cause of
health
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 problems. For the government to impose a higher
tax
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 on
this
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 kind of
food
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 is crucial. I partially agree with
this
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 statement because there are some alternative policies that may
also
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 steer
people
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 away from excessive fast
food
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 consumption. Many diseases, obesity, diabetes and hypertension, occur in bad-eating behaviour
thus
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 coercive measures to impose the
tax
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 on junk
food
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 is accepted whether it has effective and is worth managing the increasing number of consumers.
First
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, it makes fast
food
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 less desirable as higher
tax
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 means higher fast-
foodfood
Correct your spelling
food food
 prices. To illustrate, most
people
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, including workers and students, have limited lunch budgets.
Secondly
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, the state can use
this
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tax
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 to promote other
health
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 policies due to the increase in revenue from
this
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 extra rate can fund
health
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-related campaigns
such
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 as extra support or benefits for restaurants that serve healthy dishes.
For instance
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, diners, that have been certified by the government that they serve healthy dishes, may get
tax
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 exemptions or may be able to apply for a business loan from a state-owned bank.
In addition
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, here are some policies which may
also
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 steer
people
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 from excessive unhealthy consumption. Government should use other measurement tools and create statistical models
such
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 as educate
people
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 on healthy products and unhealthy products and implement programs to help young citizens familiarize themselves with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
diets
Correct the article-noun agreement
diet
show examples
. Citizens should be educated on the
health
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 benefits as well as potential dangers that come with
food
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.
For example
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, once
people
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 have been thorough, they can choose for themselves and unhealthy
food
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 may cause them to have serious
health
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 problems, which will surely incur unnecessary expenses. To sum up, using the policy of increasing the
tax
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 on fast
food
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 is important but the city should use other measures to combine for the maximum benefit of the consumers. .

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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