IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?

#children #job #society #mothers #fathers #course #parents
In
this
 contemporary era, Chilidcaring is an inevitable topic. Some
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 opine that it is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 important job for any nurtures, The importance of
this
 job is sky high, due to that people should learn caring their children through education to become good nurtures. I vehemently agree with the given statement.
This
 essay will
proppound
Correct your spelling
propound
 my accordance along with a
credibale
Correct your spelling
credible
 example. To commence with, There are two main reasons why
parents
 should educate themselves by taking
subject
Add an article
the subject
a subject
show examples
 of childcaring,
First
, the most discernible nub is childcaring is fundamental of
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 growth of
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
, its all depend on caring that how
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 taken care
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
 their
parents
, Not only childcaring course
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
psychology
Add an article
the psychology
show examples
 of them which helps to
parents
 in various situation but
also
 how to deal with
those
Change the determiner
that occation
show examples
occation
Correct your spelling
occasion
 with
unbiasness
Correct your spelling
unbiased
unbiasedness
 , as a repercussion the probability of impact of positive effect might increase. Altogether, these are viable reasons
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 not be
keep
Change the form of the verb
kept
show examples
 away.
In addition
, One more
rational
Correct your spelling
rationale
show examples
 to substantiate my crux is
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 child behave
aggressive
Change the adjective
aggressively
show examples
 and some unusual activity
such
 as not concentrate on academic,
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of circumstance educated people have
advantage
Add an article
the advantage
an advantage
show examples
 to face those situations very easily, while other try to negotiate with
forcefull
Correct your spelling
forceful
forcefully
such
 as restriction on playing as well as do not give reward
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 child performs
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 in their
filde
Correct your spelling
field
 so
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of action taken by their nurture
as a result
, In future
parents
Add the comma(s)
,parents
show examples
 face some serious issue due to
nagetive
Correct your spelling
negative
native
 seeds already grown in
Correct your spelling
child's
childs
Change to a genitive case
child's
show examples
 mindset.
For instance
, according to
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
 90%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 believe that majority of childhood depends on caring by nurtures. In recapitulation,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would like to reiterate that,
although
parents
 can capable to take care of their children effectively, masters in childcaring through education give more edge to become good and smart
parents
 as well. I firmly agree with
this
 quote.
Submitted by rajnpatelb06 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: