IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes in some countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#research #food #products #cigarettes #countries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Currently,
people
 are arguing that since overeating is proven to bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
homogenous unfavourable impacts to
people
 compared to smoking, several certain
food
’s advertising should be forbidden as that of cigarettes in some nations. From my personal perspective, I am well convinced that while the former statement holds a compelling notion, banning
food
’s advertising is not a good term as expected. It is irrefutable to note that overeating wreaks havoc on
people
's physical conditions. Obviously,
this
 phenomenon may contribute to an eclectic mix of undesirable health issues.
In other words
, consuming a redundant amount of
food
 is one of the immense determinants which result in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 hike in blood pressure.
Therefore
,
people
 may easily be vulnerable to relentless stress conditions as well as symptoms, namely headache, or even fatal one like heart stroke, which are as harmful as smoking.
Moreover
, the excess in
food
 intake
as well as those which are unhealthy
Add the comma(s)
, as well as those which are unhealthy,
show examples
 may
also
 lead to obesity. In specific, there is an undeniable fact that the number of
people
 who are suffering from fat is hovering drastically, which makes them involved in illnesses. Coca Cola, an acclaimed soft drink that contains numerous amounts of sugar, can be cited as a viable instance. While the inevitable downsides of overeating are widely acknowledged, it is not an effective solution to inhibit some
food
 products’ advertising. It is a common norm to state that advertising plays a paramount significant role as a tool for the potential customers to refer to the ingredients and foods that they want to purchase.
As a result
, banning all the advertising may relatively act as a disturbance to
people
,
instead
, they can just make a decision themself whether or not to buy harmful foods. What’s more, without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertising, the lucrative profit of a wealth of
food
-related firms may experience a dramatic fall.
Hence
, it may negatively impact a nation’s prosperity. To sum up, I am of the opinion that consuming a wave of
food
 may do harm to
people
’s health.
However
, in lieu of abandoning advertising,
people
 should have the right to decide themself.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: