IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people consider price as the most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or services (e.g. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree?

There is a growing belief that the price of items
such
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 as mobiles and hospital services is the most vital factor for consumers. I completely disagree with
this
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 perspective as there are other crucial and more beneficial factors like high quality combined with the availability of shops to fix these things.
This
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 essay will elaborate on why I do not agree with
this
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 opinion.
Initially
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, reliable phones
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 good condition sell faster than cheaper ones. To clarify, most people tend to purchase expensive iPhones
instead
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 of cheaper devices because they have better
element
Fix the agreement mistake
elements
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, These electronic products
last
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 for a long time.
This
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 is why humans buy them regardless of their high cost.
For instance
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, the manager of Apple company said that 82% of males and females pay significant amounts of money to buy new iPads because of their reliability.
In addition
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, the vast majority of men look for the number of shops that can mend the product before they own it.
In other words
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, buyers do not want to be in a problem when
this
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 thing gets broken.
Additionally
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, parts of these machines should be found everywhere.
For example
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, a study conducted at London University implied that 87% of males prefer to obtain a car from a local company not only because it is easy to fix but because they can easily find parts for
this
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 vehicle in case of an accident.
To sum up
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, I totally agree that there are more essential aspects than the price in terms of buying motors and smartphones. The great kind of something and how simple to fix it play a pivotal role in convincing folks when they want to have it.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position and the main points you will discuss. This helps your reader understand your argument better.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences in each paragraph to state what that paragraph is about. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
task achievement
Try to provide more examples that are relevant to both products and services, as it can help strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear disagreement with the idea that price is the most important factor when buying products and services.
task achievement
You provide specific examples to support your points, which is a good way to help your argument.
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