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Band 5.5

Modern lifestyle is completely different from the way people lived in the past. Some people think that the changes have been very positive while some others believe they have negative.

#lifestyle #people #changes
Nowadays, the development of the digital age has had a huge impact on humanity . In a modern
world
,
People
 having opened mindset and eliminating the old social prejudice and living depends on
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has created several arguments about whether
this
 change of
world
 is positive or negative. Personally, I support that it having more disadvantages than goods.
This
 essay will show clearly my opinion In
present-day
Add an article
the present-day
show examples
world
,
people
 living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
convenience and getting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological support that helps a lot in
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
 the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of works even saving time. Take advantage of
Correct article usage
the fast-growth
show examples
fast-growth
Correct your spelling
fast growth
show examples
 of society, more
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 including food, shopping
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 created in order to serve the fast-living life.
However
, too much convenience has given many consequences.
For instance
, dealing with mental problems
such
 as fast food, an invention of convenience, is one of many serious disease’ causes with ingredients
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
 usually made of oil and food
is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
show examples
 not processed that do harm to
people
 health conditions day by day.
On the other hand
, due to the technological
helps
Change the wording
help
bits of help
show examples
,
as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 laziness appears more often than in the past, it affects a lot on
people
 productivity,
as a result
, work tasks are pretty often being delay. Another
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of modern life
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
people
 spending more time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using social media or
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
instead
 of communicating and staying with family. In conclusion, there are more negative effects of the nowadays
world
 development, we need to be aware of society and the change of
world
 to protect the fading of culture and history from the
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 of technology life
Submitted by claire.nguyen0506 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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