IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

#people #employment #ones #create
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Job is one of the fundamental components
in
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of
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 human
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
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. With the
aging
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ageing
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 population, vast mature adults have to compete with the
next
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 generations in order to obtain a vacancy. Obstacles in terms of psychological illness and unemployment can be seen. Focusing on the deterrent effects towards the competition between
aging
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ageing
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 commuters and
the
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apply
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freshmen, mental health is the salient point to consider.
As
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With
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 the upliftment of technology, the seniors have to update not only their mindsets but
also
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skills
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their skills
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 on innovative science; the working environment is totally different from decades before, which brings stress to the seniors. To
further
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 elaborate, tons of papers show that more than 90% of
the
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apply
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elder workers suffer from insomnia and depression when new procedures and technology are introduced into their working environment.
In addition
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, in
this
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 cutting-edge
era
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,era
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 large companies tend to employ the youth in order to bring creative ideas and vitality to upgrade their services and merchandisers. To exemplify, international chain companies
such
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 as Googles, Yahoo and Apple try to hire the youngsters who have up-to-date skills and
Correct article usage
an open-mind
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open-mind
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open mind
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 toward new ideas, resulting in limiting job opportunities
towards
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for
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 the older generation. Turning to the means to alleviate the issue, the joint effort from private organizations and the government is essential.
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 of all, the authority should provide ample training courses to those older job applicants who are eager to learn.
Afterward
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Afterwards
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, bridging programs can be organized so that those trainers can have chances to have internships in private sectors, which can help the elderly to immerse
in
Correct pronoun usage
themselves in
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this
Linking Words
 ever-changing society. To conclude, psychological problems and limited vacancy are the fundamental causes of the above-mentioned issue. With the training courses and schemes for the elder workers, it is believed that the older people can
also
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 be competent in the latest working styles. Never should the public neglect the needs of our seniors.
Submitted by demeterchoi on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ageism
  • Generational divide
  • Technological advancements
  • Skills gap
  • Job scarcity
  • Industry preferences
  • Pension expenditure
  • Financial planning
  • Employability
  • Retraining programs
  • Upskilling opportunities
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