Some people say that the government is responsible for aged care and financial support for the elderly; others argue that it’s the role of individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #care #support #it’s #role #individuals

At the present, it is noticeable that the older generation

are

Change the verb form

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being provided pension by the government. While some residents concur with

this

strategy, others believe it is

the

Correct article usage

show examples

matter of each person and they should be able to please their own needs. Personally, I agree with the country’s supervisors caring and financially supporting the elderly.

This

essay will examine both views.

To begin

with, the older people are

under

Change preposition

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risk of being thrown away or forgotten by their relatives, which would have caused a lot of concern if the government had acted

otherwise

. Usually,

citizens

tend to think that all parents have kids or relatives who could somehow help during tremendously difficult phases.

In addition

, if the authorities did not support them financially, it would seem as they have absorbed all the human resources just to toss after there is no left. It apparently opposes the liberal view of the politicians.

On the contrary

, the money in the equity of the country should be used more wisely.

For example

, in the developed country Germany, the older generation takes up the majority of the population, because of the regression in the number of children born. People often can afford what they want,

thus

the money should be utilized for projects pondering about the enlargement of the population. The elderly can live fully without worries,

besides

, almost all

citizens

assist their parents in aged care. To sum up, even if the officials didn’t consider the financial help for its

citizens

in the developed countries, it would be more difficult

Change preposition

for

show examples

the elder

citizens

in poor countries since every possible thing could happen.

Thus

, allowing monthly welfare in every country will probably be the best decision, since the older people should

also

be cared

Change to the active voice

care

have cared

show examples

Change preposition

for.

show examples

Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on Sat Sep 18 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

292 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that the government is responsible for aged care and financial support for the elderly; others argue that it’s the role of individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The key to solving the environmental problems is for the present generation to sacrifice their convenient lifestyle for the sake of future generations. Agree/disagree?

Television dominates the free-time for too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.