IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some feel that good entertainers are as important to society as scientists. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's modern world, there has been a significant rise in the number of emerging
entertainers
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that these
entertainers
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 play vital roles in society. In my opinion, I support
this
Linking Words
 contention because they are considered influencers by many folks.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue the same.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, some critics are of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that
scientists
Use synonyms
 are more important than
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who entertain others. Mainly because
scientists
Use synonyms
 work
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 innovations.
Moreover
Linking Words
, their discoveries, which can be scientific or social, are likely to change the whole community. Not only
people
Use synonyms
 but
how
Rephrase
also how
show examples
 they communicate or how they do their jobs are mostly affected by many things developed by
scientists
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, the discovery of the internet has dramatically changed the whole world in recent years.
Additionally
Linking Words
, activities done today by most
people
Use synonyms
 are completely different
than
Change preposition
from
show examples
in
Correct pronoun usage
those in
show examples
 the past.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some folks support
scientists
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
entertainers
Use synonyms
. To explain my belief, it is
also
Linking Words
 true that some feel
otherwise
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, for the past many years,
people
Use synonyms
 have been influenced by movies,
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
 shows,
Correct word choice
and youtube
show examples
youtube
Use the right word
YouTube
show examples
 videos in their lives.
Secondly
Linking Words
, adults are the main age group affected by these
entertainers
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they try to behave or do the same things that have been done by these actors. To give a quintessential example, in recent years, the number of young
people
Use synonyms
 joining
arm
Wrong verb form
the armed
show examples
 forces has increased by ten per cent because many of them are probably inspired by those patriotic films on the army.
Hence
Linking Words
, some opine that good
entertainers
Use synonyms
 affect our society immensely. In conclusion, despite
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 demerits, it is true that
people
Use synonyms
 working in the entertainment industry are as important to society as
scientists
Use synonyms
In
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
 my opinion, they should
also
Linking Words
 think about
people
Use synonyms
 who are being affected by their roles and choose
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
show examples
 wisely.

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task response
Make clear choice in the opening and keep it through the essay.
task response
In each paragraph, give one main idea and explain it with simple facts or examples.
coherence
Use link words to show order, such as first, also, but, for example.
coherence
Keep sentences short and use a clear plan for each paragraph.
task response
Check facts and spellings to avoid wrong claims and errors.
edit
Improve grammar and use plain language with correct punctuation.
content
The writer states a view clearly in the opening.
support
The essay uses some real examples (internet, films) to support points.
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