Some people say that the government is responsible for aged care and financial support for the elderly; others argue that it’s the role of individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #care #support #it’s #role #individuals

Older

people

are important members of any society, and they require more help and attention. It is considered by some that the

government

should provide financial assistance to the elderly, while there are others

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

think that it is the responsibility of individuals. I believe that the

government

should support the aged

people

. In

this

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

both views will be discussed before coming to a definite conclusion. On the one hand, a culture of saving

instead

of depending on the state fosters the overall economic development of a country.

In other words

, if

people

have

money

set aside for their pension age, it would lessen the amount of financial responsibility on the

government

. It would allow the ministry to provide funds to the development of more essential fields, like industries, production of goods, infrastructure healthcare and education.

Moreover

, if all citizens knew that the state would ensure them a decent retirement fund, they would have no motivation to work hard, try to build a career and save

money

. In a personal aspect, saving

money

gives individuals a way out from

uncertainties

Correct article usage

the uncertainties

show examples

of life and an opportunity to enjoy greater security.

For instance

, in the case of critical emergencies,

people

have to deal with medical expenses and it requires

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

financial preparedness.

On the other hand

, old

people

are physically weak and are financially incapacitated.

Firstly

, as there

Change the verb form

are

show examples

any

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

alternative ways of earning for

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

, their chances for employment are quite low compared to the young

people

Therefore

, the

government

should take care of

aged

Add an article

the aged

show examples

population and support them with a monthly pension and provide

Remove the article

apply

show examples

health insurance. It would allow the senior citizens to be examined and take the necessary medical care for human health.

Secondly

, if elderly

people

are left alone, they should be able to afford

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

domestic help and the facility of old age homes, where they can spend time with

people

from the same age group. To conclude, despite the fact that saving

money

for personal insurance has benefits not only for human’s well-being

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

for the country’s economy, I still think that

government

should take care of old

people

by supporting them financially.

Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on Sun Sep 19 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

361 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that the government is responsible for aged care and financial support for the elderly; others argue that it’s the role of individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

There are those who consider work to be the paramount aspect of life, suggesting that without career success, life loses its meaning. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Write a letter to the editor of the magazine about the book that influenced you most. In your letter, describe what this book was about explain how this book influenced you say whether this book would be likely to influence other people

Detailed description of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be restricted on media. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In order to study at university students are required to pay expensive tuition fees. Not all students can afford them so some people think that university education should be free for every one. To what extent do you agree?

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had huge negative effect on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?