IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, a certain number of individuals believe that
group
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activities
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 should be part a vital part of their kid's life
while
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 others say that it is essential for teenagers to learn how to spend their
time
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 alone in the most productive manner. In my opinion,
group
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activities
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 are essential in the growth process of youngsters.
This
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 essay will delve into both views
along with
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 my opinion and will lead to a logical conclusion as well.
To begin
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 with, the prominent reason related to the importance of
group
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activities
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 is that they encourage the children to learn numerous skills
such
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 as coordination, cooperation, and leadership. Meanwhile,
group
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 tasks act as a bridge for juveniles to make friends who have similar
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 as them. They can learn about teamwork and tricks to fulfil those team goals at an early age.
However
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, there are some guardians who want that their offspring should be left alone in their free. The primary reason behind
this
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 scenario is that they want their kids to explore themselves alone,
for instance
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, they want them to find out about their strength
as well as
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 their weaknesses. Solitary surroundings can help the learners to develop some tricks to overcome their fears.
Thus
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, it is apparent why many are in favour of
this
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 trend.
According to
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 my viewpoint, the leisure
time
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 of learners should be devoted towards
group
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activities
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 rather than sitting alone because it would offer more growth opportunities for them.
Moreover
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, it will help them to learn how to socialize with numerous humans which is essential to be successful in future.
Besides
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, it
also
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 depends on the personal choice of children or parents on how they want to spend their free
time
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.
To conclude
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, as per the testimonials mentioned above, it is crystal clear that team tasks are a better option to choose to utilize the spare
time
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 to learn something useful. Meanwhile, it is
also
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 a personal decision of a person how they want to pass their
time
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 whether alone or
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along
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alone
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 with people.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea to enhance clarity and coherence. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will add depth to your argument and demonstrate your ability to apply theoretical ideas to practical situations.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to maintain the flow of your essay. Phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Additionally' can help.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines both viewpoints and states your own opinion, setting a clear direction for the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task question by discussing both sides and giving an opinion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your opinion, which helps to round off the essay neatly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
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