IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#amount #children #effects
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
society
Add a comma
,society
show examples
 kids are more and more addressed by marketing campaigns to the extent that someone argues to prohibit them. I totally agree with
this
 option for two main reasons.
Firstly
, youngsters are not mature enough to distinguish what is essentially a fake message and what is real.
In other words
, young minds may be easily manipulated and deviated to wrong habits and behaviour.
For instance
, my nephew, who at
first
 completely disliked sugar, after watching adverts and publicity, now
litteraly
Correct your spelling
literally
 craves for
candys
Correct your spelling
candy
 and junk food.
Secondly
, aggressive marketing strategies aimed
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 teenagers may result in making them desire objects too expensive not only for them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but even for their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 finances.
Obviously
Add a comma
,Obviously
show examples
this
 is not fair owing to the sense of inadequateness that a parent could feel. A clear example came up in front of my eyes when a friend of mine couldn't afford the ultimate PlayStation for his son. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
show examples
 guerrilla marketing is a promoting
stategy
Correct your spelling
strategy
 that government should ban especially when addressed to young people If I had been in charge
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would have
took
Change the verb form
taken
show examples
this
 decision a long time ago.
Submitted by sergiodelpopolo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: