IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Whoever controls the media also controls opinions and attitudes of the people and there is little can be done to rectify this. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#controls #media #attitudes #people
In today’s world, media plays an imperative role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and
hence
, they should be independent without any conflict of interest.
However
, in many
countries
, they are controlled by some influential figures or
Government
, and we can do little about
this
 alarming situation.
Countries
 that are governed by
communist
Add an article
the communist
a communist
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 party are the
countries
 that have very less or no independence
to
Change preposition
from
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media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
.
Opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
Opinions
show examples
 of people of
such
countries
are
Change the verb form
is
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 regulated by the stringent laws enacted by the
Government
.
For example
, China is ruled by a communist party and their law imposes severe punishment to whomsoever tries to raise
voice
Correct article usage
a voice
show examples
 against the
Government
.
Last
 year, a scientist of a laboratory situated in Wuhan (China) was arrested and jailed for commenting that it was Wuhan from where the Covid 19 virus emerged.
This
 augments the view that the people in China are afraid to give
independent
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an independent
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opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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 and their attitude is controlled by the
Government
. Another prominent example
of
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apply
show examples
is North Korea which is fully controlled by
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 supreme leader, Kim Jong Un. As a matter of fact,
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 of North Korea have no view of their own and if they try to raise their voice, not only the individual is punished but
also
 his family have to bear the burden of his actions. In fact, their media only broadcasts channels that
depicts
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depict
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 the persona of their supremo and their education
also
 revolves around the leader. With
such
 laws & regulations that are totally controlled by
Government
, how can one expect to rectify the situation! Even having global bodies
such
 as
UN
Correct article usage
the UN
show examples
, the plight of the public of
such
countries
 is pathetic. There is very little that can be done to improve the situation.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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