Mobile phones have brought many benefits, but they have also had negative effects. Do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweigh the advantages?
Mobile
phones
offer Use synonyms
people
many advantages Use synonyms
as well as
disadvantages. Linking Words
Although
mobile Linking Words
phones
could cause some health problems and an addictive sedentary lifestyle, they make communication and education so easy.
Mobile Use synonyms
phones
have several disadvantages. Nowadays, most Use synonyms
people
are addicted to a sedentary lifestyle because of their Use synonyms
phones
. They waste a lot of time surfing the internet or social media and do not do anything the whole day. Use synonyms
According to
statistics, young Linking Words
people
spend approximately 10–12 hours per day using their Use synonyms
phones
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, Linking Words
phones
can cause some health problems. Because they have extremely harmful radioactive rays. Use synonyms
For example
, 70% of eyesight illnesses are caused by using mobile Linking Words
phones
. Use synonyms
Thus
, they have some negative effects on Linking Words
people
's lives.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, mobile Linking Words
phones
have made many convenient for Use synonyms
people
. Cell Use synonyms
phones
have made communication easier than in the past. Today, Use synonyms
people
can Use synonyms
contact
anyone, Use synonyms
such
as their friends, parents, or others, at any time. Linking Words
Phones
allow us to Use synonyms
contact
our relationship through video or voice calls, text messages, and more. Use synonyms
For example
, in the past, it was difficult to Linking Words
contact
someone. Use synonyms
However
, everyone uses their own Linking Words
phones
to connect with each other today. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, we use mobile Linking Words
phones
for many purposes, like online shopping, email access, navigation, calculators, the internet, entertainment, and so on. More and more students utilize their Use synonyms
phones
to find information, online lessons, and other purposes. Use synonyms
As a result
, a large number of students could join the lessons of international teachers by using mobile Linking Words
phones
. Use synonyms
Therefore
, mobile Linking Words
phones
have several positive effects on Use synonyms
people
's lives.
In conclusion, mobile Use synonyms
phones
could cause some negative results, like health problems and sedentary lifestyles. Use synonyms
However
, it is easy to Linking Words
contact
others by using Use synonyms
phones
. Use synonyms
Thus
, mobile Linking Words
phones
have more advantages the disadvantages.Use synonyms
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task achievement
You adequately addressed the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones. However, you could improve your response by providing more depth and detail in your arguments. For example, offering additional evidence or examples would make your points more compelling.
task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are fully developed. You mentioned health problems due to mobile phones' radioactive rays, but this point could be elaborated more clearly. Some claims, like the statistic about eyesight illnesses, need to be backed by credible sources.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your transitions to make your essay flow more smoothly. While your essay is well-structured, using more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases would improve coherence organically.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. Try to make the conclusion slightly more impactful by summarizing the main points or providing a thoughtful final statement on whether the advantages or disadvantages of mobile phones outweigh the other more definitively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs that each address a specific aspect of the topic. This makes it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the improvement in communication with mobile phones and their educational benefits.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?