These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behavior. Do you agree or disagree?

Television
has become one of the main sources of entertainment and relaxation. But the content which nowadays comes on
television
can have a very detrimental impact on
children
. I absolutely agree that
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
of
violence
on
television
can have a negative impact on
children
's behaviour.
Increase
Correct article usage
The increase
show examples
in
violence
in schools and the constant
anger
Correct your spelling
danger
show examples
in today's
children
attest to the same fact. Many parents are both working and can not keep a check on what their child is consuming on
television
. With the
violence related
Add a hyphen
violence-related
show examples
shows now part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mainstream
television
Add a comma
,television
show examples
it is very difficult to keep the
children
distant from them.Even the cartoons to a degree now have violent content,
this
leads to
creation
Add an article
the creation
show examples
of a very harmful perception of reality in young minds.
Therefore
,they tend to believe that the solution to any problem is only taking the violent way,
as
Replace the word
like
show examples
their favourite superhero or crime series main lead takes.
This
leads to a wrong set of ideas being cultivated at a very young age, as the
children
look to imitate what they see.
Therefore
,
children
now lack the qualities of kindness, empathy and forgiveness.
This
can be attested by the increase in gun
violence
at schools. Even out of a not so serious issue
children
tend to get riled up and not even bother to think about the consequences attached
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the activity they may commit.
This
false sense of gratification can be attributed to
TV
Add an article
a TV
the TV
show examples
showing glorification of the superhero even after he has broken certain laws.There is a very dire need to censor violent content for a more sensitive growth of
children
's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. In conclusion, TV
violence
has played a key role
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
creation
Add an article
the creation
show examples
of
a divisive minds
Correct the article-noun agreement
divisive minds
a divisive mind
show examples
of
children
.
This
negative impact has had
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
effects on the
children
's overall
developement
Correct your spelling
development
.
Submitted by rushabhsurana147 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: