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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

As well as making money, businesses have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibilities
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While
 nowadays, all the companies strive to make more money with the aim of skyrocketing their annual profits, some argue that these businesses must consider the other aspects namely investments in social activities. I concur
although
 the main goal of managers is to improve their financial states, they have to do their social role.
To begin
 with, all the companies have to do their best in order to survive in
this
 competitive world to avoid being bankrupted. The main goal of each start-up is to earn money;
also
, they need to pay costs including bills, staff salaries and raw materials in some cases.
As a result
, if they want to keep going and expand their organisations, they need to sacrifice some responsibilities on a social scale.
For instance
, some CEOs, mostly those who manage small companies, prefer to provide their employees with good prosperity and increase their motivation by offering perks
instead
 of participating in charity events and dedicating their monetary resources to
such
 activities.
On the other hand
, the more an organisation progresses, the more responsibilities its owners must take. In more detail,
however
, the most imperative aim of a factory is to defeat its rivals in terms of making more money, they have to participate in social investments.
That is
 because, in some cases, societies are dependent on funding which is done by national businesses.
For instance
, some charities or social improvements like constructing modern and equipped schools are not supported by the governments which results in increasing the importance of the companies’ role. In conclusion,
whereas
 it is undeniable that the most crucial aim of every business is to boost its profit, I firmly believe that they play a vital role in the matter of social events.
Submitted by n97.mortazian on

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coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs. However, you need to work on linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas. Transitional phrases and topic sentences could be improved for better clarity and cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, your essay addresses the topic but could provide a more in-depth exploration of the points you make. Expand upon your ideas with more developed arguments and varied examples. Ensure that your conclusion summarizes your arguments and restates your stance in a clear and concise manner.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
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