IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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People
Use synonyms
 have different views about whether it is efficient to improve public
health
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 by building more sports facilities. While it will
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
work
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 to some extent, I believe that there are
also
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 some alternatives to help
people
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 strengthen their bodies. On the one hand, advocates for increasing the
amount
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number
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 of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 venues have said that
this
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 could give
people
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 more chances to leave their house and do
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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.
For example
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, if there is a new place near the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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,
people
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 tend to come there because it is spacious enough for
people
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 to do
exercise
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 and
also
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 have a high-quality environment might be surrounded by trees and flowers where is more suitable for
people
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 to go.
Moreover
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, as we all know that it is difficult for
people
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 to do
exercise
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everyday
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every day
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 due to
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 busy
work
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 and lack of self-control ability. If there is a site that
every one
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everyone
show examples
 in their just for
a
Change the article
the
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 same goal, which creates a positive
exercise
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 atmosphere will push you more, and you can
also
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 go with
other person
Change the wording
another person
other people
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 to have
a
Remove the article
apply
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mutual supervision each other to reach a better effect.
On the other hand
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,
although
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this
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 measure seems easy to do and logical, it is not always the only path to improve
health
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 care. Some critics say that it does not
work
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 at all, which may just
a
Add a missing verb
be a
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decoration rather than playing its function. A new sports
center
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centre
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,
for instance
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, is constructed
near by
Correct your spelling
nearby
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 a block that
mainly
Add a missing verb
is mainly
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 populated with commuters who
too
Add a missing verb
are too
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 busy for their
work
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 to do
exercise
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. The major problem for
people
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 don not do
exercise
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 regularly is that they lack awareness of the importance of doing some sports. Other options like holding free lectures about
health
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 care containing the content of the benefits about keep fit can
also
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 achieve the goal of improving public
health
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. In conclusion, I think it is ideal to both providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adequate numbers of places and equipment to do
such
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 exercises and promoting the benefits of keeping the body fit. So, the best solution to keep our population to be healthy is
mixing
Change the verb form
to mix
show examples
 those ideas mentioned above and
then
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, create
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 common viewpoint.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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