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Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people think young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #university #education #work #car #mechanics #builders #society
Nowadays, some youngsters choose to engage in various jobs after senior high school
while
 others decide to go
further
 in their studies. Everyone opts for the plans that are suitable for them
according to
 their circumstances. Some people think studying
further
 at university is helpful for students' future.
For example
, many organizations offer higher remuneration and a better position to those who graduate from college. Learners in universities are able to acquire professional knowledge.
Moreover
, as everyone says, the
environment
 of a university is like a small society, we not only learn things from textbooks but
also
 absorb soft skills by interacting with other mates from different backgrounds. I feel that the noticeable advantage is sundry events, whether extracurricular courses, seminars, or performances. It is a terrific
environment
 which exposes people to diversified stuff, whereby college students can broaden their horizons.
Conversely
, a group of adolescents is determined to go toward society and enter the workforce. They may be encouraged by parents, or friends to work as car mechanics or builders. Compared to other humans who enter the academic
environment
, humans who have a professional technique can earn a lot of money and
thus
, have a deposit as soon as possible, whereby they can take advantage of the finances to do whatever they are eager for.
Additionally
,
although
 we can learn about interpersonal communication in both the academic
environment
 and the workplace, interaction in the workplace is more authentic than on campus. In a nutshell, whether going on studies or entering the workplace, they have their own benefits, and as previously stated, people can choose appropriate options which are in favour of them, based on their inner or exterior factors.
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task achievement
Develop ideas with more depth and include more specific examples to ensure all points are well supported.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to maintain the reader's understanding throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic by presenting both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Conclusion effectively summarizes the discussed points and reinforces the balanced view presented.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear response to the task by addressing both perspectives and providing a personal opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • vocational training
  • skillset
  • employment landscape
  • economic contributions
  • hands-on experience
  • critical thinking skills
  • practical knowledge
  • tuition fees
  • trade professions
  • essential workforce
  • academic qualifications
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