IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#amount #children #effects
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Children
 are the resource in the
future
.they are the
future
 leaders.they need to
grown
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grow
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 up
with
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in
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strong
Correct article usage
a strong
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 manner.so advertising is the one main important way to communicate the
massage
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message
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 to others.so,it
help
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helps
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 to make a market place.As per the above topic
the
Change the article
a
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 lot of advertising
aimed
Add a missing verb
is aimed
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 at
children
.So I am not strongly agreed with
this
 comment and I would like to evaluate
further more
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furthermore
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.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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what ever
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whatever
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 it has more controversion. There are two kinds of impacts
Correct pronoun usage
that may
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may
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maybe
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be create
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be created
show examples
 with the volume of advertising.The effects can be divided into 2 parts.even
may be
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maybe
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 positive and
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otherwise
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other wise
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otherwise
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 may be negative.The advantages are
children
 can update with the new technology and new updations of educational
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
Otherwise
,negative impacts can not be eliminated.it can way the to create upset minds for the parents.it means that
level
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the level
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income
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of income
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 may be
different
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a different
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person
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from person
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 to person.Rich families can fulfil
there
Correct your spelling
their
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 kids
necessacities
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necessities
as
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in
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a
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an
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 optimum way.other
hand
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hands
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,
poor
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the poor
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 family try to fulfil
there
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their
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 basic requirements.so they can not
fullfill
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fulfil
every thing
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everything
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 as those expected.but kids minds are similar.
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Everything
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Every thing
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Everything
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 they are expecting from
there
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their
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 parents.advertising is making huge moral.so
as a result
 of that one party loss
there
Replace the word
their
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 happiness.
Nevertheless
 if advertising target more
children
,they always move to expenses.
As a result
 of that they
loss
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lose
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
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future
 savings.
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Furthermore
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Further more
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Furthermore
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,those
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
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 lot of advertising
target
Fix the agreement mistake
targets
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 kids for fast foods.even though they have to sacrifice
there
Correct your spelling
their
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future
 healthy life.
As
Change preposition
In
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion,The promotion benefits may
Change the verb form
have
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be have
Correct your spelling
behave
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 more.but we can not ignore negative impacts as well.so
children
 should be practice to take logical decisions from their primary stage.
Submitted by eshanthi1988 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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