IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Anything that is good for you can also be bad for you if you do it too much. To what extant do you agree with the following statement?

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There is an opinion which says that anything
that is
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 beneficial for you can
also
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 be unpleasant if you overdo it. I totally agree with
this
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 phrase because some examples
such
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 as consuming too much food could lead to obesity or using modern gadgets might damage our health. First of all, many individuals do not realize it, but obesity has become a huge epidemic in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 society. People tend to ignore the growing unhealthy products around them;
instead
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 of questioning why they are gaining weight so rapidly, they enjoy the unhealthy and unsuitable substances that they are putting in their bodies. Some eat whatever they can find, and since they are in a certain predicament, they have no choice but,
end
Fix the infinitive
to end
show examples
 up doing the same thing to their children.
For example
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, my brother used to eat more meals per day because of his ability in
groceries
Fix the agreement mistake
grocery
show examples
 and cafes. Now he does not understand how to erase
this
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 terrible habit from his life, but it is too late. Medical help should be provided in
this
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 situation in order to give my sibling a chance to lose weight and return to a normal lifestyle.
Secondly
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, our young generation uses lots of devices in their daily routine
instead
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 of living
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 traditional and healthy life.
However
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, gadgets are extremely useful nowadays in different parts of our
life’s
Change noun form
lives
show examples
.
Consequently
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, they will differ from their parents in the same age because they did not have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to have and operate modern technologies.
For instance
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, my cousin has lots of gadgets and spends with them all day.
As a result
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, he already has vision problems and a bad level of vitamin D.
To sum up
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, these two simple examples show my opinion of using something too much, and I am sure that it always will have awful results for everybody.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas. Connect ideas with appropriate transitions for smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction, include a clear thesis statement that directly answers the essay question. The conclusion should summarize key points and restate the thesis.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. Make sure the examples directly relate to the main points of each paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
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