IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Telecommuting is changing the concept of the conventional working atmosphere. Do you agree or disagree?

Thanks to the technological revolution, every single part of our lives has been altered significantly, and the same can be said for the way that people do their jobs.
While
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 some argue that the traditional way of performing occupations is a thing of the past, in my view,
although
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 online working at home allows employees to save their
time
Use synonyms
 on commuting, in-person working is too important to be replaced by its modern counterparts. On the one hand, work-life balance is a priority. So seriously has spending
time
Use synonyms
 beside family members affected a large number of individuals’ minds that they strongly believe that telecommuting is one of the must-try ways to create a balance between working and spending
time
Use synonyms
 at home.
For example
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, during the pandemic of COVID-19 pandemic, many corporations understood
if
Correct word choice
that if
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 they allowed their clerks to perform their tasks at home, not only did it play a crucial role in saving a lot of
time
Use synonyms
, but
also
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 they could do their job with higher efficiency.
On the other hand
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, face-to-face communication is an inseparable part of some occupations.
For instance
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, there is a definite link between physical demand and health care.
In other words
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, taking care of the patient without communication is understandably almost impossible.
Moreover
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, spreading some infectious diseases,
such
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 as flu and COVID-19, has proved it, since people had no other choice but to communicate with their doctors and nurses to be cured.
In addition
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, social interaction in the working environment provides the chance for staff to
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
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 with their colleagues and managers, which has many positive effects on their mental health. The more they
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
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, the more they stop themselves from overthinking, leading to
increasing
Replace the word
an increase in
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 their concentration and working correctly. In conclusion,
while
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 online meetings and working have facilitated the way that employees perform their duties, I strongly believe workplaces are not replaced by remote working, as no one dares to deny the importance of emotional contact among human beings.

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structure
Plan the essay with a clear start and end. Try to put one main idea in each paragraph and link them with easy words.
grammar
Fix big mistakes in grammar. Break long sentences. Use small and clear phrases.
examples
Give more real facts or numbers to back the ideas. Give one or two strong examples.
stance
The writer shares a clear view and keeps a balance between home work and in-office work.
examples
A COVID-19 example is used to show how home work can help or not.
structure
The essay uses a simple plan with intro, two sides, and a conclusion.
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