IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common.” Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Technological developments have changed the way we do our daily transactions and reduced the use of cash very drastically. Online banking has been popular for the
last
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 decade and it
come
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comes
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 with its own pros and cons.
According to
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 my opinion, the advantages empower the disadvantages in
this
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 case.
Firstly
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, with cashless banking, we don't have to stress about taking cash anywhere as we always carry our cellphones and that will help us to pay with just a click of a button. It's very convenient on phones to have an online card saved and make payments or have the option to transfer payment within seconds to another account.
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, you don't have to worry about losing
note
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 from the pocket as if it gets lost anybody can take it and there is no tracing back
whereas
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 with cards you have extra security which is in case it gets stolen or misplaced, you can get it locked right away and nobody else will be able to use it.
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, Going cashless with bills will be a great additional benefit for the environment as it will save paper
that is
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 made of trees which will reduce the destruction of flora in the world.
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, it will save a lot of capital for the government as they don't have to spend so much on the production of money.
For example
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, Every year Government spend about 2.3% of their budget on the manufacturing of money and it takes a lot of planning as you have to keep the production planned
according to
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 the market and spend extra efforts on storage and security as well. In conclusion, Cash is an integral part of our society and the cycle will be disrupted without it but it benefits our environment and gives a big relief to our mind that we do have alternatives that we can use as backup and do not need to stress about the hard fund all the time.

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task achievement
Try to clearly express your opinion in the introduction, stating whether you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea that relates directly to the question, making it easier for readers to follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the transitions between your paragraphs and ideas, helping to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant points regarding the convenience and security of cashless transactions.
task achievement
The environmental benefits of cashless systems are an excellent angle that adds depth to the discussion.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support points made about government spending on money production.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • safety
  • security
  • time-saving
  • cashless transactions
  • dependence on technology
  • privacy concerns
  • accessibility issues
  • financial vulnerability
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