IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
In recent years, an increasing number of
people
 are suffering from health problems, one of the most common
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 for these diseases is eating junk
food
.
However
, some
people
 believe that government should take some precautions, like imposing a higher tax on
this
 kind of
food
. What are the advantages and disadvantages of
this
 idea? On the one hand, there are a number of arguments against
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 statement.
Firstly
, some
people
 do not have enough
time
 for cooking, they would rather eat fast
food
, as it saves
people
’s money and
time
. My mum is one of those
people
 who are busy all day long, so eating
such
 kind of
food
 is
conventional
Correct article usage
a conventional
show examples
 thing for her. The
second
 reason is the taste. Perhaps it is the greatest advantage, which gives
people
 emotional pleasure,
this
 fact and low price
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 fast
food
 the most popular
food
 in the whole world!
On the other hand
, there are some drawbacks. We are what we eat, junk
food
 has nothing in common with healthy
food
, which contains a host of vitamins and nutritions. That’s why fast
food
 causes many health problems like obesity, heart diseases and so on. It is
obviously
Replace the word
obvious
show examples
 why
people
 choose
this
 type of
food
 and it is acceptable to eat some burgers or pizza from
time
 to
time
, but some
people
 are addicted to
food
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and do need help. Sometimes it seems like my mum is addicted
to
Correct pronoun usage
itto
show examples
!
This
 dependence
also
 affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
her health and mostly on body shape,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can cause emotional problems. If
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 knows how to deal with
such
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 they should do that, even if it can harm someone else. To sum up, there are both good and bad points of imposing
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 tax on fast
food
. For someone it is
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
, so making
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 tax on
this
 kind of
food
 can make
people
’s life even more complicated. But there is another side, which needs immediate solutions.
Submitted by olechkakwitka on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: