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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
Many people believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long
term
 imprisonment is one of the best
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to combat
crime
.
However
, some of them think about various better alternative methods to reduce offends .There are both views of
this
 notion as well as my own perception in
this
 essay. On the one hand , most people think that the offenders must be kept in prisons for
long
Add an article
the long
a long
show examples
 time period in order to
deducting
Change the verb
deduct
show examples
 the
crimes
 as
criminals
 deter from long
term
 imprisonment and they will not commit offends again and again as they can be known about the adverse consequences of reoffends .
Hence
, culprits will avoid
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crimes
.
Moreover
,
criminals
 who are very dangerous
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 society ,
such
 as Serial killers ,Murderers can not be made
mix
Add an article
a mix
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Besides
this
 , if
such
 culprits will free soon they will harm
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society again .
Therefore
,
criminals
 who make heinous
crimes
 must be kept behind the walls for
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
term
 .
On the other hand
 , some people believe in alternative ways for reducing
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 rate , as in traditional jails
criminals
 learn more about
crime
 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leave prison to commit even more
crimes
.
In other words
 , long
term
 imprisonment act as a university of
crime
 for offenders.
That is
 why ,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should adopt other methods
such
 as vocational education and training of
work
Replace the word
workers
show examples
 to pickpockets and shoplifters because it is well-known fact that poverty, illiteracy and unemployment are
root
Correct article usage
the root
show examples
 causes of illegal activities.
Hence
, authorities must
be chose
Change the verb form
choose
show examples
 other alternatives rather than long prison sentences for all culprits. To be concluded, in my
opine
Replace the word
opinion
show examples
, multitudes who commit heinous actions,
such
 as serial killers, rapists as well as murderers
also
 must be kept in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jails .
Nevertheless
,
Add an article
the
show examples
government should adopt other better ways for small scale law brokers in order to decline critical crises.
Submitted by grewalsandeepkaur606 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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