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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #salary #consideration
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It is argued that the most imperative factor that
people
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 must take into account in terms of deciding a
job
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 is the wage. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement as I suppose
money
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 is not the only golden key and the other factors namely workplace and motivation are defining.
To begin
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 with, a high salary is not the only reason that contributes to happiness and
job
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 satisfaction. Workplace, colleagues and managers all play a vital role in order to make an employee satisfied; in more detail, dealing with constant anxiety resulting from a stressful
job
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 definitely makes
people
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 nervous.
Additionally
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, motivation is the other crucial aspect; having a
job
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 provides employees with a situation to broaden their horizons and learn new skills, helping them to improve their abilities and making them lively.
Therefore
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, possessing a
job
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 with a reasonable salary, not so high, which motivates you to work passionately, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is worth it.
On the other hand
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, it is said that
money
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 talks as the only factor in improving living standards is having a well-paid
job
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 regardless of the other factors. Some argue that the more
money
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 they have, the more they feel cheerful;
that is
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 because they can buy pricey items namely outfits, brand shoes and luxury houses.
However
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, I assume a work-life balance highly matters as
people
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 spend a significant part of their time at work; so their workplace and those you are working with them are unquestionably important.
For instance
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, working with a restrictive and aggressive manager makes
people
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 nervous and
then
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 they can not even enjoy their salaries. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
while
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, without a doubt,
money
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 is one the main aspects that should be under consideration in terms of choosing a
job
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, the other aspects have at least the same importance.
Submitted by n97.mortazian on

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Task Achievement
Ensure you provide specific, detailed examples to support your arguments better. While your essay touches on broader concepts, weaving in concrete examples can help illustrate your points more effectively and improve relevancy.
Coherence & Cohesion
For higher coherence, strive to create a stronger logical link between your ideas. Use transition words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs, creating a smoother reading experience. Outlining your essay before writing can help with this.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consideration
  • sole factor
  • financial stability
  • security
  • motivating factor
  • dissatisfaction
  • demotivation
  • job satisfaction
  • overall well-being
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • vacations
  • career growth opportunities
  • skill development
  • advancement
  • determining factor
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