IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many museums charge for admission, while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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A number of
museums
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 charge an
entry
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 fee,
while
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 others do not. I believe that the drawbacks of charging
fees
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 do not outweigh the benefits because
although
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 some people are excluded when
museums
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 charge admission,
this
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 funding enables many
museums
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 to remain open. The main disadvantage of charging
entry
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 to
museums
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 is that high
fees
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 exclude some of the population, especially in less developed countries. Many people in poorer countries have just enough money for food and shelter, so paying for non-essential items like exhibits and
museums
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 is impossible.
For example
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, one of the most famous
museums
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 in Egypt charges about $7 USD for admission, which is far too expensive for the large number of Egyptians who earn less than $2 USD per day.
However
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, I would argue that without
this
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 income
museums
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 would struggle to survive. One benefit of
entry
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fees
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 is that they allow many
museums
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 to keep their doors open. Not all
museums
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 receive government funding
,
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apply
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 and even those who do often find it insufficient to cover operating costs. Ticket sales make it possible for them to keep running, which enables at least some people to see the exhibits, rather than none at all.
For instance
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, in the UK, there have been huge government spending cuts over the
last
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 few years, and a number of
museums
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 have had to rely on entrance
fees
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 to stay open. I think that the most important consideration is the continuation of
museums
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, despite the costs. In conclusion,
although
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 it is unfortunate that not everyone can enjoy the exhibits in a museum if an
entry
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 fee is charged, I believe the money earned from admission is often the only thing that keeps the doors open, making
such
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 a fee much more beneficial.
Submitted by emteeme on

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task achievement
To strengthen your essay, consider expanding a bit more on the counter-argument to show deeper critical thinking. While you did mention the exclusion due to high fees, elaborating on societal impacts or alternative funding methods could enrich the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Consider providing a smoother transition between the disadvantages and advantages sections of your essay. This will make your argumentation flow even better.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well. It directly addresses the topic and states your viewpoint, making it easy for the reader to understand your position.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, giving a sense of closure to the essay.
logical structure
You have logically structured your essay with distinct paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, which makes it easy to follow.
relevant specific examples
The examples you provided are relevant and specific, adding weight to your arguments. They help to illustrate your points clearly, making your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The essay is coherent with good use of transition words and phrases to connect ideas. This enhances the readability and flow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
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