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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. To what extent should children have to follow rules?

#countries #children #rules #behavior
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The extent to which
children
 have to follow
rules
 is in itself a very complex issue
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 since
children
 across the world grow up in very different cultures. In India
for example
,
children
 are expected to be very submissive to their parents as well as other adults around them.
This
,
however
, is not the case with the Western countries of the world where
children
 follow the motto ‘Thou shalt do what thou wilt’ as promoted by celebrities and rock stars. I believe that following strict
rules
 has both advantages as well as serious drawbacks as discussed below.
Firstly
, strict
rules
 of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 create responsible and respectful
children
 who in turn mature into respectful adults.
This
 forms a stable society
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 is virtually free from negative trends
such
 as prostitution and drug abuse.
Secondly
, if
children
 do not follow strict
rules
 of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, they may get out of hand and become work-shy and indolent.
This
 may
then
 create a burden on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society since the government has to find ways to cater for these social ills.
However
, forcing
children
 to follow strict
rules
 of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 doesn’t always yield positive results as discussed above, most of the time it backfires and works against society.
For example
, teenagers are more likely to do the opposite of what they’re told to do simply because they want to be independent.
Children
 should
also
 have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to exercise their free will and develop their own pattern of
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. Imposing strict
rules
 may simply destroy the individuality of
children
. At the end of the day, it is clear that
children
 should be guided by
rules
, but these
rules
 should not be imposed on them because as human beings, they need to have room to develop their own traits of character and adopt a
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 pattern of their own.
Submitted by thanh.jenny on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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