IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
These days, advertising become one of the most important parts of businesses. Big companies compete with others to sell more than their competitors by emphasizing how their products are different from others. I am completely in favor of
this
 idea and in
this
 essay, I will talk about my opinion with examples.
First,
the benefits of doing
this
 task must be investigated. Clearly, when we decide to buy something new
then
 we bombard with the variety of brands.
Thus
, advertisements will be used. If we see how the brands are different from each other, it would be easier to choose or buy.
Therefore
, it is unbelievably important how the management group makes an impressive show which helped people to buy their products.
Second,
advantages must be shown to make a brand glamorously special.
For example
, Apple did
this
 job perfectly. Apple launched smartphones with touchscreens. Statistically, it was not the first business that used
this
 technology.
However
,
this
 new brand has shown the gadgets were new and different
then
 people were encouraged to buy their cell phones. By
following
this
 approach, we always have seen the impact of advertising on organizations. In fact, they can sell more and be famous. In conclusion, in my opinion, companies must introduce themselves to humans to be known. Clearly, if individuals know more about anything
then
 they can trust it and the
last
 step they will pay for it.
Due to
 my aspects, advertisement and showing their products are new just has the benefits for their owners.
Submitted by sarvin.rahimi9898 on

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task achievement
Provide clearer supporting arguments for each main point. Expand on how emphasizing 'newness' impacts consumers and businesses.
task achievement
Use varied sentence structures and more complex grammar to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively. Use transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Further develop your examples and explanations to ensure they are directly supporting your points.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states your position that you support the practice of businesses emphasizing their products as new.
relevant specific examples
You provided a relevant example about Apple and how it showcased its technology as new, despite not being the first to use it.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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