IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many countries spend a lot of money in art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say money is better spent on public services and facilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#countries #money #art #people #investment #services #facilities
These days
art
 is related to everyone life. Some countries allocated huge budgets to support the
art
 sector. It is widely believed that investing in
art
 is
vital
Change the adjective
vitally
show examples
 essential. While some people argue
that is
 a waste of money and the government should invest money in public
services
instead
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it's more likely that investing in
art
 is worth it for the community. The arts are important for health and wellness for people because arts foster physical, mental and emotional health, aiding recovery processes and contributing to well being. Arts therapy is a medically and economically effective tool for treating ageing adults, children and people suffering from trauma, including military combat personnel and veterans, making the community stronger.
For example
,
art
 universities in Japan are financially supported by the government to encouraging students to study an
art
 therapy major for becoming
art
 therapists in the future for treating mental of their citizens.
This
 has led to an increase in strengthens communities.
However
, Public
services
 and facilities play an essential role in providing support
services
 to create viably. Public service is a service intended to serve all members of a community.
For instance
, The government of Thailand is allocating 250 million for electric trains, all of the
services
 and facilities which are required by an urban area to provide the necessary and essential functions for its citizens. To sum up, despite the fact that public service and facilities are necessary for convenient living but I still believe that
art
 is crucial to health mental because it is the foundation of well being.
Submitted by rabbit_big12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: