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Writing Samples
Band 6

A report indicated that many children between 7 and 11 years old watch television and/ or play video games too much. How does the problem affect? what measures can be taken control of?

#report #children #years #television #video #games #measures #control
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Twenty years ago, kids would go out and play with their friends, running, jumping and developing their imagination. Nowadays, most parents won't let them go out,
as
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and as
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 a result, the kids will have fun via TV or
videogames
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video
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, which can make them overstimulated at a very early age, developing unhealthy habits that could affect them their whole
life
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lives
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,
nonetheless
, we can change their lives for good, starting with little things, like reducing the time they spend online. Videogames can be a double-edged sword, they can improve a child's creativity, reflexes, problem-solving and even decision-making,
however
, if they are not controlled properly they can be more damaging than they are positive, as the hyperstimulation a video game provides can impact your sleep, your anxiety, your stress, and even your personal life. There have been studies that correlate competitive videogames with anger issues, depression and the deterioration of one's health, to illustrate, when gaming, people often arch their backs and breathe with their noses,
in addition
, many gamers lack physical exercise and conditioning, which will worsen their quality of life. Despite all of what has been mentioned, there are still ways of being a healthy gamer, and they´re simple habits like having at least 50 minutes of physical activity every day, correcting your posture when gaming, not spending more than 2 hours per day and sleeping at least 9 hours,
due to
 the fact that watching too many screens make our brains really tired and need more sleep to keep being healthy.
To conclude
 gaming is a coin with two faces, if you know how to control yourself it can be a moment of relaxation and de-stress with no actual downsides, if abused, it will become a negative habit for your mental and physical health.
Submitted by alonsoddel78 on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that all parts of the question are fully addressed. The problem and measures for control should be distinctly outlined and explored in separate paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, structure your essay more clearly with defined introductions, body paragraphs, and conclusions, especially making sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows logically.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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