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Writing Samples
Band 5

some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.

#people #music #cultures #ages
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Certain persons opine that
music
 is a great way to promote cohesion among
people
 of various cultures and age groups.
Music
 can be beneficial for bringing
people
 together for social and noble causes.
However
, the
content
 and the type of
music
 can act as barriers. I agree with the argument that
music
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 is pleasant and widely acceptable can be used for promoting harmony.
Music
 is one of the forms of art which transcends
boundaries
Correct article usage
the boundaries
show examples
 of nations and attracts
audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
show examples
 all around the world. It is not uncommon to see
music
 lovers come together / unite enthusiastically despite belonging to different age groups, gender, caste or creed. It has been noted time and again that
people
 belonging to varying backgrounds have joined hands for several social and charitable causes by virtue of their common liking for
music
.
However
, there are certain factors
such
 as genre and lyrics which can affect
this
.
For example
, a person with
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
 in classical
music
 might not prefer to attend a western
music
 concert. If someone is not proficient in English, one might not prefer spending time with
people
 who discuss English
music
.
Music
 with profane and objectionable
content
 directed towards one particular sect of
people
 might not be well received and may even adversely cause communal disharmony
Hence
, I believe that
music
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 is soothing
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 commonly understood and accepted can be used to promote bonding between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 of different cultures and ages.
Also
, it is essential to monitor the
content
 of the
music
 to assess
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 suitability as per the social and cultural norms for better acceptance. In conclusion,
music
 can be an excellent medium to unite
people
 provided the limitations in the
content
 and genre are addressed
Submitted by vinodnavinda9 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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