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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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It is clearly seen that the amount of
sugar
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 is composed of many foods and beverages. A huge concentration of
sugar
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 is one of the factors leading to a
health
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 crisis. There is a policy that conveys that people should pay extra money to consume. To my mind, I agree that it is a great way to deal with the sugarholic problem.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, increasing expenditure for sugary products will decrease the demand to buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. In
this
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 evolution, workers spend time on transportation especially in a big city, so they have little time to eat from day
today
Correct your spelling
to day
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.
Furthermore
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, those believe that sweeteners bring high energies in their route and do not consider how much quantity that they should have in one day. For these reasons, they cannot refuse to pay money for unhealthy food which has high costs per year in individual conditions.
For instance
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, coke has a higher cost, many people will avoid buying it because they have the same incomes as in normal situations.
As a result
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, following the advice will lessen the need due to expensive goods referring from economical theory.
In addition
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, consuming less
sugar
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 will reduce the risks of
health
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 issues
such
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 as obesity.
Sugar
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 is one type of sweetener which is commonly combined in many foods. Products added with more
sugar
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 will have more risks of illness. Another factor stimulating
health
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 problems is sedentary lifestyles which are not careful about
health
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 behaviours.
This
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 is linked together with a healthy diet in daily lives as well as consumption.
Thus
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 avoiding
sugar
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 and having a healthy lifestyle are great options to be safe from chronic disease. In conclusion,
sugar
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-added products will put an individual's well-being at risk. Going up the price of sweet goods should be done to protect and take care of citizens from non-communication disease and poor behaviours.
Submitted by noprada23 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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