IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

A person's worth nowadays, seems to be judged according to social statues and material possession. Old- fashion values such as honor, kindness and trust no longer seem important. Do what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#person #statues #possession #old- #fashion #values #honor #kindness #trust
An individual’s worth tends to depend on
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
wealth and appearance. The precious values,
such
 as honour, kindness and trust, do not seem as significant as before. It can be seen in our daily lives,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
show examples
 sellers tend to service more politely for those who wore expensive clothes. I agree that society judges a person’s worth by social status and material possessions. In my experience, I had been in the same situation before. I used to go to public kindergarten
therefore
 I thought I would go to public school, yet my parents decided to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in private school. At that moment, there was a
rumor
Change the spelling
rumour
show examples
 that only wealthy people’s kids go there, which made me nervous that I would not be able to make friends.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 I made a few friends in my class and that was enough for me. I used to wear the same sneakers all the time and that became well-known for every kid in my class. Suddenly one kid showed up to me and said “Don’t you have any other shoes? You always wear one sneaker”. Those words didn’t affect me but when I told my mother, she was offended. Now that I think about it, kids who are at a very young age should not divide people by their appearance. Society has the biggest influence on an individual's opinion. It is shown how people appraise physical appearance more than inner beauty by kids' actions. In conclusion, human's worthiness should depend on traditional values,
such
 as honesty, generosity and honour. Money and looks are just
accesory
Correct your spelling
accessory
 in people's lives.
Submitted by teku.gan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: