IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors
The source of
happiness
 various person-to-person;
although
 some groups of
people
 believe that
happiness
 and economic well-being ghost hand-to-hand, others believe the contrary. In my opinion, financial stability is essential to an extent but not as important as family and health To commence with, the claim of correlation between
happiness
 and finance comes from the fact that with
money
,
people
 can afford things that make them happy. If someone is financially stable, they can buy new items
such
 as a house, cars, go on various holidays, provide for their family and even spoil their friends. Meanwhile,
people
 living without a considerable income not only are always on edge about
money
 but
also
 get sad when they need something and can't afford it. So, to be able to afford the things that give one's joy is a big plus.
On the other hand
,
people
 who argue that there is more to
happiness
 than
money
 have a point. During our lifetime, we feed off of our relationship with our family members and their emotions. Even if someone doesn't contain a lot of
money
, a healthy family unit can help that person to overcome the problems.
Additionally
, mental health is a significant aspect of someone's
happiness
. Living in a weak and distressed mental state will ruin one's joy in life even if they are the wealthiest person in the world. So, it is of utmost importance to maintain a good relationship with our families and work on our mental state to stay happy. In conclusion,
happiness
 depends more on one's relationship with your family and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good mental health rather than financial success.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: